


how clint feels about tony and how tony feels about clint

by avienexjel



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Albeit slowly, Civil War Team Iron Man, Emotional Hurt, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Regret, Tony is healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 07:09:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11458584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avienexjel/pseuds/avienexjel
Summary: after the civil war that split the avengers apart, clint and tony think about the friendship that once was.it's slow, but tony is learning to heal.clint doesn't regret his decisions.  he doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't (because maybe if he tells himself that enough times, the little loose pieces inside him will stop rattling around and falling apart).





	how clint feels about tony and how tony feels about clint

_**how clint feels about tony and how tony feels about clint** _

 

_//_

 

**tony**

Back before Ultron, before the Accords, before everything, Tony thought Clint genuinely liked him.  He pretends like it doesn't bother him now, that loss of what had been a pretty decent friendship, but it does.  It's okay, though - Tony's accepted long ago that not many people will ever like him, and the leftover Avengers help a little, even if not much.  Vision, Rhodey, Pepper, Peter, and surprisingly Bruce and Hope Van Dyne have been flitting about him as of late, making sure he eats and drinks and sleeps more than five hours a week.  He doesn't really know how to feel about this new development, but it makes him feel better than he did before.  So...he supposes it's okay.

He tries to act like he's healing, like he's not thinking about the fugitive Avengers every single damn day.

Of all the people he misses most, he would probably say Clint.  Steve and Tony have never, ever gotten along - after the Battle of New York their relationship was less strained, but the blonde supersoldier definitely wasn't on his to-go list.  Natasha, he couldn't trust - unquestionable, although he used to enjoy her company after she grew on him.  Thor, Thor was always up in Asgard, so not much opportunity to build a strong bond.  As for Bruce, Tony still sometimes finds it hard to look the usually-quiet doctor in the eye.  Doctor Banner's always been a friend, but the man's turned his back and left Tony more times than he'd care to remember.  Even if Bruce is here now.

So, that leaves Clint.

At first, the archer was wary around Tony, but it actually didn't take very long to develop a friendship.  On the battlefield, Clint was more serious and reserved, but off it, he was goofy and snarky - just like the billionaire.  They grew even closer after Clint caught Tony drunk off his ass in the living room at two am one night, which led way to "Tuesday drinking nights" and eventually, they both started healing.

Of course, Tony thinks now as he carefully welds a plating onto a steel system intermingled with wires, that all went to shit after he created a psychotic robot.

The welder whirs softly under his careful hand, like it's reassuring him that he's okay now and he doesn't need Clint Barton or any of the other Avengers.  After what the archer said to him in the RAFT, it's hard to believe they were ever once friends.  (And maybe they weren't - after all, that's what he'd thought about Steve, and look how wrong he was.)

He doesn't need them.

In the back of his mind, he wonders what Clint is doing - if he's okay, if he's stopped drinking, if he thinks about Tony when he picks up a bottle of alcohol or if it just helps him forget.  Somewhere deep inside Tony, he hopes Clint's anger has worn off.  It hurts a little bit still to remember the pure hatred in the other man's eyes during the so-called Civil War.

Who is he kidding?  It hurts a lot.

"Tony?" a voice calls quietly all of a sudden, and Tony sets down the welder, turning to see none other than Hope.

"Hey," he says, smiling softly.  It's a genuine smile, one that took nine months of coaxing and care to surface.

"Bruce made Indian for dinner tonight," Hope says with a smirk.  "Come on, you know I'll drag you out if I have to."

Tony rolls his eyes.  "Don't think I forgot what happened last month," he says and lets her lead him out by the hand.

Maybe he is healing, he thinks as they enter the elevator side by side, a companionable silence between them.  Even Howard, Afghanistan, Obie, the media, all the foes he's ever fought, Ultron, the Civil War, and his teammates couldn't break him completely.  Maybe there's still hope left.  To heal.

 _And this is why it's okay,_ his heart whispers to him as he tries to hide the fondness written all over his face as Hope cracks a smarmy joke (oh the sass) and laughs brightly as she turns to him.   _Because even though it still hurts, you have a new family now.  You don't need the others anymore.  And you're happy.  You're happier than you've ever been._

 

//A->//

 

**clint**

He doesn't know when the burning rage and need to throttle Tony Stark gave way to hurt and an emotion painfully similar to loss and regret.  Only that somewhere along the way, that transition happened, and now he can't find his way home.

Funnily enough, this is literally true - because he's a fugitive hiding from US law in Wakanda, and has not seen or contacted his wife and children since he took off with Steve nine and a half months ago.

Wanda still blames it on the engineer-billionaire, but even Clint can see that she doesn't truly believe what she's saying, not anymore.  Her hatred for Tony Stark is now more of a lifeline than genuine.

Luckily for Clint, he's not the same.  He doesn't care about Tony anymore, doesn't care what the other man does or says or makes.  So what if he scrabbles for the remote every morning to see if there are any updates on Stark Industries' latest projects or speeches given by certain billionaires?  That doesn't mean anything.  Tony is dead and gone to him.  So what if he may never get his teammate back again, or anyone else quite like him?  He was just helping Steve; his friend.   _So was Tony,_ his mind likes to whisper traitorously.  

When his head starts telling him bullshit like that, Clint usually grabs a beer, both to stop the voices and to forget that Tony's expensive bourbon was always so much better.

Sometimes he and Sam have therapy sessions.  Sam still feels horrid about what he did to Rhodey, but has seemingly come to accept their current life situation.  In the beginning, Clint had seen Tony on TV negotiating to bring the fugitive Avengers back into the country, but after five months all the buzz died down.  He feels like Tony's finally forgotten about them.  He's still not sure why that information makes him feel so hollow.

Sam has started looking at Clint with pitying eyes more often than not, and it irks the archer.  Every session, the dark-skinned man asks him his feelings, and every time Clint replies that he's accepted it but he will never be able to forgive Tony Stark.  Sam always just shakes his head sadly and then changes the subject.

Maybe it's never been about Tony - maybe it's not that he isn't able to forgive Tony, but that he isn't able to forgive himself.

But it's not like Clint would ever admit that.  Like Natasha - whom he doesn't see much anymore, because T'Challa has his limits on visits from an outsider (a dangerous one no less) - always used to say, he's one stubborn son of a bitch.

Clint checks the clock on the living room wall, right above the television.  He has another stupid therapy session with Sam again, where he'll have to see that pitying gaze.  Reaching for the remote, he lights up the television in the hopes it'll erase the heavy itchy feeling in his mind.  If only it was possible to make it leave, but how can you scratch something that's technically not even there?

The screen immediately goes to a live feed of Iron Man and his team fighting a large horde of slugs in Manhattan.  The camera zooms in to the oh-so-familiar red and gold suit as the faceplate slides back and Tony Stark's trademark smirk is displayed.  Clint watches as Tony says something inaudible to Spiderman as the kid zips to his side and then laughs before taking off again, a bold slug getting repulsored to bits.

"Clint?" Sam says, appearing in the doorway, and Clint turns the tv off with a click before moving aside to let the other man sit too.  Sam says something else, but the archer doesn't really hear over the sudden pounding in his head.

The tv stays dark and empty in Clint's sharp-as-ever peripheral vision.

The itchy feeling gets worse.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I loved Clint in the Avengers and in Age of Ultron, but I feel like the Marvel directors seriously butchered literally everybody in Civil War. But oh wells - we still have Infinity War to patch things up hahaha. Also I haven't seen Spider-Man Homecoming yet; I'm planning to see it soon though with one of my friends. Is it good?
> 
> edited note: when i wrote this, my intention was not to just be all "support tony!" or anything. i wanted something raw and painful, as painful as a friendship being ripped apart and the subsequent feeling as though you've lost something a part of you but you don't want to or can't admit it


End file.
